Wednesday, February 27, 2013

E! True Hollywood Story: Bloggers Edition

We all know those bloggers who live the best lives ever. Everything they write makes our sad, uneventful lives even more depressing. But be depressed no more. I've used my refined social work skills (and more so, real life experiences) to analyze typical Blogger comments. This is the real life of bloggers across the country.

"OOTD! I just threw on this outfit -- with five inch platform stilettos -- to run errands this weekend. So simple and so cute!"
Girlfriend, please. We all know you really ran errands in your yoga pants and top knot like the rest of us. Nobody wears those shoes to run to the post office....nobody.

"I made these super yummy gluten-free, carb-free, fat-free, sugar-free granola bars! You NEED to try them!"
I'm sure you're typing this while eating your pint of Ben and Jerry's like the rest of us. Ain't no shame in my game. I'd rather try those raspberry cheesecake cookies you pinned instead.

"I'm hopping back on the fitness bandwagon. I'm committed this time!"
AKA I've had too many Five Guys bacon cheeseburgers and Starbucks frappes. It's okay, we've all been there....

"I'm not a fashion blogger..."
...but I wish I was. Who doesn't want endless amounts of free clothing? And how do they pose without looking like complete toolbags? I just wasn't blessed with the fashion blogger posing gene...

"Drinks with the besties Friday night, Sushi and spa date Saturday afternoon, bar crawl Saturday night, movies and shopping allllll day Sunday. Can't wait to do it all over next weekend!"
Did you rob a bank?!?!

"Love my new baubles from _______ Etsy shop. Go check it out! Their necklaces are super affordable!"
Since when is $50 for a trendy necklace that's surely to be a thing of the past next season affordable?

Be honest with yourself. We've all fabricated information we've posted in hopes of sounding more exciting, or more put together, or like we aren't really as poor as we truly are. There's nothing wrong with the truth! I'd rather be boring and poor and a hot mess than someone I'm not. It take a lot of effort to pretend to be someone else. Ain't nobody got time for that!

*i didn't take any of the above comments from anyone's blog so don't be getting all offended on me. Peace and love ladies, peace and love. 


Jasmine said...


Did you rob a bank, classic.

I was kinda hoping you did take these from real people's blogs, that would've been super funny. And mean, so good thing you didn't do that.

Yeah I just write about the ish that happens in my life and if it's boring then I'm sorry but that's just how the cookie crumbles folks. Apparently, it crumbles boringly and unattractively and mildly funny.

Still laughing.

Emily said...

Ohhh I love this!!!!!

Sarah said...

Haha This is great! And so true. I think these things every day as I'm reading blogs.

Chloe said...

Bahahaha I love it! Sometimes I really enjoy blogging but then I read certain blogs like those and want to pull my hair out. It made me laugh so hard.

Neely said...

bahahahhaa yes to all of this! I always said if I posted daily OOTD pics it would be yoga pants everyday

Kate @ Green Fashionista said...

LOVE this! My favorites are the OOTD truths and the "did you rob a bank?" I always think that about anybody who talks about having a weekend like that whether it be in blog world or my real life friends. We all have super fun/expensive weekends like that sometimes, but definitely not all the time like it's no big deal :-P

Deanna @The Peony Princess said...

Haha! This is great and I'm glad I'm not the only one out here thinking my life seems a little bland in comparison!

Carolyn said...

BAHAHAHAHA! So true. :) My favorite is the healthy recipe one! And the robbing a bank!

Ashley said...

Haha I love this! Couldn't agree more. I'm definitely a top know and yoga pants errand runner. 5 inch heels? No way sista!

Kristin said...

these are hilarious!!

Meggan Morehead said...

"Drinks with the besties Friday night, Sushi and spa date Saturday afternoon, bar crawl Saturday night, movies and shopping allllll day Sunday. Can't wait to do it all over next weekend!"
Did you rob a bank?!?! - made me LOL

Ugh I'm still trying to figure out how to not pose like a toolbag in my outfit posts. My boyfriend takes the pictures and we just laugh the whole time because its so awkward haha

Good post!! Thanks for the laugh

Meghan said...

A-freaking-MEN! Seriously, I know several bloggers who have those kinds of weekends and I ALAWYS wonder where the $$$ comes from!

Books, Beauty, and Bars on a Budget said...

This couldn't be more perfect. It may be my favorite blog post from anyone .... ever.

Kaara A said...


SH said...

Haha! Totally true - the women that have babies on their hips while in sequin skirts and super high heels. Admirable, yes, but real? I could never!

The Hartungs Blog

Annie said...

BLESS YOU for this post!! LOL thanks so much for sharing! I'm so inspired, I totally tweeted it :) b/c it's so effin true. Keep it up & you rock!!

Annie (The Ranting Latina)